I AM COM-PLETELY MISERABLE, SAN DIEGO!

jesus christ!

lavish me with praise, por favor.

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SWITCHAROO

now that we've agreed to be offensive, i'm going to play matchmaker with this blogs' occasional readers; more from boredom, but also to goad my victims into defending themselves / offering alternatives to my choices. oh, and you're all now gay.

...in no particular order...

Reckless + Post-Drug-Czar Elvis: impeccable style, but with cuddlyness and penchant for snickers icecream bars.

Nelio + Howie Long: Nelio as the top (grow a goddamned moustache already) indulges my sense of role reversal. kick some ass, cowboy. plus you're both tastefully groomed.

Petesky + Alan Ginsberg: i can see you two discussing hip-hop for hours over tea. (i had toyed with the idea of pairing you with Jimmy Stewart, but the latent homosexuality from his end sort of dilutes the purpose of this exercise).

Doris, you get Frida Kahlo because i suspect you're a closet Marxist, and eHarmony lists political affiliation as a "fundamental" character trait. (always do your homework! fucking christians...)

(whew! this is hard!)

Em + some damned ChickLit "author": you need a sugar momma, and you seem to enjoy that dreadful genre. plus i need some low hanging fruit before i continue. we're cool, right? you won't be pissed with my insensitivity.

Reg + Linda Carter: don't tell me you've never wanted to fuck Wonder Woman... tie you up with that Lasso of Truth... kinky little wonder-minx...

Edithved + Gloria Steinem: too obvious not to be ironic. Also, i think you'd both be annoyed with me anyway for this.


and me? well i get Steve McQueen. why? because i'm writing this, that's why, and i say i get Steve Fucking McQueen. i totally called it.

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FACEBOOK, MYSPACE SUCK MY BALLS

i've come out of hibernation to resurrect friendster. my fingers shall strike back with the force of Phil Collins + Phil Bailey, and if you don't follow, you ain't cool, motherfucker. suck it facebook, and suck it myspace. bunch of bitches. welcome to new way.

i want mine, and i'm gonna take yours.

'cause i feeeel like it.

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