PELO-SIKE!

I'll admit I'm no political pundit. However, I do listen to conservative talk radio every day to stay "frosty," and I have a gay friend, so I'd consider myself pretty savvy when it comes to the body politic. I would never presume to tell Nancy Pelosi how to run her emergent majority (step 1, cut a hole in a box), though, owing to my bad luck of arriving on this planet behind my elder siblings, I do possess a certain expertise in sore-winnership (the "nah-nah-nah-nah-NAAAH-naah syndrome). So, Nancy, on behalf of all democrats youngest children in the country, allow me to give you one piece of advice:

PULL THE TRIGGER

You don't get many chances in this life to grab the limelight. Your older brother got arrested for underage drinking? You're the golden boy (or girl) now! Take advantage of your newly-earned status by rubbing it everyone's face. Revenge is a drink best served hot (in yo' face, with Splenda, beotch!), so take all that bipartisan crap and ram it right down Denny Hastert's gaping maw. Wearing your pink, "I did Justin twice" t-shirt. High.

I'll agree that, yes, the only way to achieve good government reform is forgiveness. So fine, I forgive the Republican congress for being such assholes for so long, but the bible tells us "eye for an eye," right? So go on, Nancy Pelosi, play your wicked games and revel in your hedonistic orgies of liberalization while you're still that Golden Girl (oh no she di'int). I know a certain fellah who used to hit the pipe and roll out with his hoes all the time, and he made for one hell of an American.

And that man's name was Thomas Jefferson. Think about it! Oooooooo!