REPLACEMENTS

ahhhhh nothing's more fun than watching a movie with keanu reeves and gene hackman, but despite the crappy predictable plotline and emotionless acting from the hawaiian (how does he still keep getting work? point break was a fucking hard movie, though. word.), i can't ignore my strange fascination with football movies.... it's weird, but let's not forget all the wonderful accoutrements that come with movies about sports... like brooke langton for instance:

i think that makes everything ok, don't you?

on a similar point, i'm torn between re-publishing this picture and turning it into a link. if i leave it in, i run the risk of drawing attention away from the text. if i turn it into a link, i don't get to look at it each time i check my blog... hmmmm....

it's the same problem with harvard's new skin magazine, H bomb. you will never, ever hear me complain about publishing pictures of naked people for adults to enjoy, but i think it's just the slightest bit distasteful to do it under the pretext of literary progress. add that to the fact that the website opens with the "the whole world watches what happens at harvard" globe quote. don't you think that's a wee bit pretentious for a skin magazine? let's face facts: though the interviews and sports coverage in playboy are quite good, the one thing that keeps it's 4.5 million readers interested is breasts.... and the candy store.... i'm more of a candy store guy myself... if i wanted intellectual stimulation, i'd read Utne.

let's deconstruct the very first issue of h bomb (which i happen to have in front of me... always do your homework). there's the obligatory sexual health column from that one annoying pre-med chick on your sophomore floor that was a student wellness advisor (or some equivalent) who was kiiiiiiinda hot, but not really, but she acted really slutty and some dude slept with her and she was all over him for awhile, and she was always "i have condoms if you need them!!!" and all that pay-attention-to-me shit. then there's the article about "did you know that harvard girls are smart..... AND hot?! did ya?" and that's what smart people have been telling themselves for years. it's not true. trust me. i went to a smart college, and the whole time i thought i was one of the hot guys. i wasn't. i'm not hot. no amount of book learnin' can change that, so let's all join hands and figure out how to beat the hot kids with our minds. start by watching revenge of the nerds. see? i bet you feel better already. and then, of course, there's skin. jackpot.

but... hang on...

it's tough to fuck up pictures of naked people... that is, of course, if you aren't committed to making everything all artsy and shit. sadly, most of these pictures suggest something about the artist trying to "expose the basic elements of being, and enter into dialogue with the photographic medium; a window of realism through which we see our own flaws..." and blah blah blah blah blah blah... yea, i took art history in college, too, ok? i just want to see box. smart girl box. is that so much to ask?

then again, it's a hell of an idea, and a big risk at that. think about how many harvard kids will grow up to hold positions of power in our world... maybe president of the united states? think about how cool that would be: "yea i just voted for Chuckles McFuckstein for president... why? well i saw his ballsack in h bomb about 20 years ago, and he looks like a dude who doesn't mess around." i think i'd feel good knowing my president can lay pipe. you?

if you live in boston, you can pick up a copy at out of town news in harvard square. or just visit the website and buy a copy. support your grassroots porn, damnit.