COLD TURKEY

i just realized that i'll be leaving the country for a bit and i'll be without the blessings of a computer whilst i'm away. therefore i will be without internet porn for a while. can i do it? will i crack under the pressure? will i pay some willing ukrainian woman to service me when my fortitude collapses into a dark, swirling, abysmal vortex of self loathing and despair? the answers to these and all of your questions when i return to my native soil. in the meantime, have yourselves a merry little christmas.

and if you don't celebrate christmas, please, please, please just ignore the rest of us. some of us are just fucking crazy. thanks for being so understanding... especially you jews out there... i realize it's a bit awkward, what with this being the season where we celebrate the birth of our messiah whom you promptly killed, but don't sweat it, the whole 'destroy the temple and exile you from jerusalem' thing was pretty harsh, too. Barukh atah Adonai, Elohaynu, melekh ha-olam, borei p'ree ha-gafen if you know what i mean.

and seriously, if you really and truly believe there's a war on christmas waging in the streets (or in the 'chood'... G-D bless you if you get that), then maybe you might think about easing up a little bit. sit by a warm fire, sip some eggnog or hot, spicy brandy, turn on some gentle christmas music and have a go at the 'ol missus. might do you both a world of good.

mazel tov, bitches!

what's that i hear? why... it's the sound of my heart growing three sizes today! hooray for who-ville!