TAINTED WHAT NOW?

we all made out with a girl in the common bathroom of our freshman dorm after drowning 14 busch light and baby sips of boone's farm, and while we we could taste the karkov plastic vodka jell-o shots on her lips, we always heard the downloaded version of Soft Cell's 'Tainted Love' blasting out of our roommate's computer speakers in the background. we knew it. we loved it.

but what else can we attribute to marc almond and soft cell? well, thanks in no small part to the wonder of satellite radio, i know exactly what marc almond and soft cell ended up doing with their glamorous lives... that something, my friends, is 'Sex Dwarf':

Isn't it nice
Sugar and spice
Luring disco dollies
To a life of vice
I could make a film
And make you my star
You'd be a natural
The way you are
I would like you on
A long black leash
I would parade you
Down the high street
You've got the attraction
You've got the pulling power

Walk my little doggy
Walk my little sex dwarf
(Here, doggy, doggy)

We could make a scene
We'd be a team
Making the headlines
Sounds like a dream
When we hit the floor
You just watch them move aside
We will take them
For a ride of rides
They all love your
Miniature ways
You know what they say
About small boys

Sex dwarf...
(Look it's so huge!)

ummmm..... sure, marc. whatever you say. what's that, marc? sex dwarf, you say? suuure! why not! sex dwarf! sounds perfectly reasonable. hey why don't you sing that song, 'Tainted Love' that we all loved and made lots of money and never made a reference to how relatively large a man's penis is when he's abnormally small in stature. yea, why don't you play that one...