We of the human race are not fit to stand in judgement over ourselves. But what does it mean to judge the measure of a person? How can we condescend to evaluate the quality of a living, breathing individual? The once-great dreamers conjured up nature's version of justice. Oh yes. They whispered, "save us from our ourselves!" and lo, up from the sands and dust of the desert, in a great whilwhind of lightning and fire, there appeared Thunderdome. By skill, cunning, or even the blood-stained claws of luck, comes the judgement of time. Two men enter. One man leaves. Thus, like the infinite wheel of birth and death, so doth the gears of humanity spin, forever climbing forward on the splintered bones of those left behind. Nature, red in tooth and claw, shall dictate who is called and who is saved. Therefore I pit thee, worthy adversaries, against eachother. Tell your version of the story as old as Cain and Abel, and speak thee now, oh words, so that your voice shall cause even blind Justice to see the light of your worth.
I give you, pilgrims, Captain Lou Albano vs. Amy Winehouse head to head for all the marbles:
 | vs. |  |
"Captain" Lou Albano | Amy Winehouse | Edge | |
| Country of Origin: | America: The Greatest Country in the World | Great Britain | The Captain |
| Known Affiliations: | Cyndi Lauper | Ghostface Killah | Draw |
| Distinguishing Characteristics: | Rubberband Facial Piercings | Pin-up Art Tattoos | Winehouse |
| Notable Television Appearances: | "Miami Vice" | "Jools Holland's Annual Hootenanny" | The Captain |
| Harbors Distaste For: | Hulk Hogan | Bono | Winehouse |
| Awards and Honors: | WWF Hall of Fame | #50 - NME Magazine's 'Cool List' | The Captain |
| Lauded By: | Pro Wrestling Fans | The British | Draw |
| Personal Struggles With: | Food | Alcoholism | Winehouse |
| Education: | University of Tennessee | The BRIT school, Surrey | The Captain |
And, yea, while we all truly walk beneath future echoes in this life, Captain Lou Albano soldiers on, leaving the worthy but bested Amy Winehouse behind. Shed a tear for your lost comrades, and remember their achievements well.
Captain Lou just came right out of left fuckin' field. I did not see that coming.
PS. That was way more fun than I thought it was going to be.
3 comments:
Nice f#&king gray box field, my dawg. I liiiiiiiiiike that. A little toooooo much. Uh. UH.
How long did you have to search to find that picture of the Winehouse? She looks like a toothless trannie, which is usually fine, but I think in this case it's just detracting from her overall Gelfling-ness.
That photo of Amy Winehouse shows up on the first page of results from an images.google.com search for "Amy Winehouse." It's on a page with alternating flattering and unflattering pictures, but a few do a good job of showcasing her breasts, and we can all appreciate that.
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