VD 2008

Ok, like, that's waaay too much of a softball. Calling it "VD" is like making your girlfriend cinnamon rolls for breakfast on Valentine's Day and telling her you hope she likes her "buns" sticky, because you're gonna make them "extra sticky" today...

Jesus, that's not the same at all. What the fuck? Why do I have to spoil a perfectly good holiday like that?

Lemme jus' focus on th' positive fo' ah secuuund. Today, many of you will get laid, or at least be romantic with someone. For me, well... I've got my fingers crossed because I rully rully rully hope it's not bar skanks again this year! For others out there, you'll be doing it to honor the lord. Excuse me, The Lord. Yup. JC gets his "props," from the happy couple at Book22.com this Valentine's Day [P.S. in retrospect that is simultaneously the best and worst pun I have ever made in the course of my long, sad, sarcastic life].

I would be well within my rights to rant on about the apparent hypocricy of a religiously-guided, ahem, "intimacy product" vendor, but I'll be nice today and say, hoooray for y'all at Book22.com. Sure, I'm 100% creeped out by your website, and frankly the thought of wholesome, bedimpled Christians slathering on some "Like a Virgin" personal lubricant ($12.00 for the lube, the irony comes free of charge), and putting their "hmmmm-hmmmms" in each other's "hmmm-hmmms" makes me a little uneasy, but I'm going to applaud your efforts to bring some common sense (and a little G-D-given fun) to your "anointed" brethren.

Exhibit A: Book22.com sells condoms.

Wha? Christians + condoms = crazy! But I... I thought... huh. What am I to make of this? I say good for you. "After all, nothing says 'I love you' like population control!" sayeth Treehugger. While abstinence-only sex education has done little or nothing to lower teen pregnancy and STI's* it has had significant negative impacts on a person's self-image and social status in his/her peer group.** Yet our friends in conservative Christian circles continue to cry out against birth control. Sigh... Or new friends at Book22.com, however, believe that honoring your church-sanctioned, life-committed, monogamous partner with terse, lights-off-pajamas-on, vanilla sex can be fun AND safe (abomination to the Lord optional depending on whether or not you live south of the Mason-Dixon)! Baby steps, but in the right direction.

Exhibit B: Women can enjoy sex again (whew).

While this was total news to me, apparently women can enjoy sex as much, if not more so, than men. This fact has not been lost on the Spiritpreneurs at Book22.com who have based nearly their entire collection of intimacy products on enhancement for women during sex. Heck, I think that's just peachy!

Of course, let's be honest with ourselves for a moment, shall we? By far the most effective way to enhance sexual enjoyment for men is to simply increase its frequency or ease of acquisition. Failing that, you have the overwhelming prevalence of pornography that targets heterosexual men (see: "internet") used as general proxy, but you're unlikely to find that manner of content on a website "offering quality products to enhance the intimate life of God's children." But why be cynical? It's a LOVE holiday, baby!

So I hope, nay pray, that you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day filled with all the super kinky or whitebread or whatever kind of intimacy you're looking for. Good luck and God bless.

*actual science.
**stuff I just totally made up.