I'm not a big fan of racism.

There I said it. It feels good to get it out. I am, however, an enormous fan of irony. I cite, for your benefit of example, the following excerpt ripped from the very headlines of our beloved and always-accurate-and-never-biased newspapers:

"About 25 white supremacists marched through a Louisiana town on Monday in a white power rally on the United States national holiday honoring slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King."

(They kinda do this every year).

Fine. Exercise your first amendment right to be a giant ass clown, I'm fine with that (and I'm required, by law, to suffer fools such as yourselves). I'm a firm believer in the right to speak your opinion.

I'm also a firm believer in paid fucking paid federal fucking holidays! Assuming for one moment that many of these lively ladies and gentlemen are, in fact, employed (employable?), doesn't that mean they're getting paid to take Martin Luther King Jr. Day off fo' pro'testin'?

I don't know about you, but my financial situation isn't such that I can just burn through vacation time or take an unpaid day or two off to pursue, say, any number of virtuous intellectual pursuits (e.g. coke and/or whores, etc.). Talk about moonlighting! I do believe that yes, I'd have to wait until a paid holiday (federal law 5 U.S.C. 6103) to do all my last-minute hate mongering.

Fortunately, January 21, 2008 was such a day! How convenient! Oh look, honey, little JR's softball and lynching practice are canceled as well! Looks like we can make that drive out to Louisiana... I'll start making a pie for your sister-in-law while you go tattoo the kids!


Before anyone tracks me down and beats the life out of me in my own back yard, remember that my taxes pay for federal and municipal workers. I gave you some of my hard earned bucks to take a day off for racism. [pats self slowly on back with look of absolute and horrifying confusion on his face... the "2girls1cup" face.] Sigh...

There's room for irony, today, but there's no room for... "un"-irony, I guess, which I why I'm not even touching on Mike Huckabee's no-body's-gonna-tell-ARKANSAS-we-cyan't-fly-our-confederate-flag attitude, despite the fact I praised his tax plan in an earlier post. AND, I haven't even begun to torture his ass on this, the 25th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. Says Mike,

"Sometimes we talk about why we're importing so many people in our workforce. It might be for the last 35 years, we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce had we not had the holocaust of liberalized abortion under a flawed Supreme Court ruling in 1973."

Pretty ironic, huh Mike?! Right?? Like, whoops, man I hate Mexicans so much, I wish I hadn't aborted so many feti, right?!? AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Holocaust, indeed!! HI FIVE!

Oh my fucking god, you're all f'ing morons (Tuesday)!

Oh.... I see, now. There's a hidden camera over there in the corner! And that's not a potted plant at all! It's Ashton Kutcher! (I should have guessed).

I beg you all, in light of the two anniversaries I mentioned in this post, please celebrate your special days ironically. Been happily married for 27 years? Celebrate by sleeping with an underage Thai hooker in your Escalade! Didn't see that one coming, did you, dear?! (P.S. I think you just got your next marketing campaign, DeBeers. You're welcome.)

Do it for me, and do it for Johnny. Happy anniversary!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

In fairness, similar protests with similar jackasses happened in plenty of other places as well... I just picked one and ran with it.