1.24.2008

I AM NOT MENTALLY CHALLENGED

We have most certainly become a nation of voyeurs. We watch reality TV. We visit celebrity gossip sites. We have "Lindsay Lohan nipple slips" in our search history. [We read self-indulgent, nonsensical blogs!] I am guilty, guilty, guilty in my own right. Sometimes I'll search for random phrases out there in the Interweb just to see what the universe throws back my way. Often it leads to someone's slice-o-life blog, which of course I'll read to see how other folks do it. I'm an internet voyeur (and not necessarily the porn kind).

My spine was fucking killing me this morning, so I searched for my+spine+is+fucking+killing+me just to, you know, see what the universe had to say about that. The universe said, "Chibbers down my spine bone." Google said, "...A FUCKING RAT. it was at least 5 inches long not including its mangy tail. it looked confused," which I thought was pretty interesting, since I had my own little rat rescue operation just 4 days ago.

Touche, universe. You have my full attention.

Then I started exploring Mazyface's livejournal trying to piece her together from the trail of crumbs she had left for others to find. What could I learn from peeking into this stranger's window? I learned that Ms. Mazyface had nice hardwood floors (under that rug). I learned she could probably do a little better for boyfriends, though the frequency of their sexual encounters seems pretty good, and I sense a great deal of warmth between them. I learned also that we share a penchant for watching people smoke bongs on YouTube and scrutinizing their home decor.

Alas, I do not know, and will likely never meet this person. Why then should I get to know her (or the online avatar that represents what I know of her)?

I realize, now, that my brain isn't as challenged as I had once thought. It's no fun to live a vicarious life. Are you emotionally challenged? Are you mentally challenged? I'll bet not. Hence, all, I request that you get up (yes, right now) find a stranger, and attempt to talk him / her into making out with you. [Note: if you are currently in a loving, committed relationship, have your partner pretend to be a stranger. A foreigner would also suffice. Swedish exchange students anyone?]

Think of the challenge, the feeling of satisfaction! The joy you will experience after communicating with a real live person and connecting, how marvelous it will be! Breathe sacred air and drink deeply from our community cup. Run your fingers through the thick, velvety curls of your very own personal interaction...

Plus, I mean... making out is pretty sweet on it's own, really. Kind of a win-win there. And I'll wrap this up by asking everyone to please stop fucking reading US Weekly. I... I think that was my point. One can really never tell.

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