three straight days of (semi-legal) recreational drug use ain't helping my sleep patterns much, so i'm up, and i realize i haven't just yak yak yakked about mindless bullshit in a really long time (well... two days really, but don't be such a smarty-pants).

in the car on the way back from work this morning, 10,000 maniacs busted out on the radio from, like, 1992. i was rockin' it, bobbin' my head and singing along with natalie merchant, and i discovered my natalie merchant impression sounds an awful lot like my dave matthews impression. that, my friends, made me laugh pretty darn hard. then, naturally, i turned off the radio and played a little game i like to call, "what if natalie merchant and dave matthews made a duet... what would that sound like?" and of course they both sound like bleating lambs, especially the way i do it, and that made me laugh even harder. Pete pointed out that they are both yodelers, but he uses people's full names in his blog, which is a strict no-no in the 'sphere, so i don't know what to think.

definitely yodelers.

i really like to use the word 'whore' a lot. like if i burn my hand on the oven, i'll call it a 'goddamn whore oven,' but i'll say the word 'whore' with a lot of fanfare, like i just swallowed some friendly bees and i want them out of my throat, but i don't want to harm them in any way. or if i can't find the remote, i'll call it a 'goddamn whore remote.' or 'goddamn whore safeway crunchy nuggets'... but you have to wonder how many whores there really are out there, just walkin' around. i'll bet you 10% of the people you see every day trade sex for money on a regular basis, and that includes friends and family, which is cool when you think about it, because i've met a lot of really nice people in my life....

goddamn whore nice people...

everybody wants to miniaturize their appliances these days (like the new pink RAZR, which i would absolutely detest if not for the ill psychedelic furs song playing over the commercial), like everything should be compact, but still mighty powerful, you know? and that sort of made me feel better about my junk, because it's, like, really compact when it's not in use... all tucked out of the way and whatnot... but when you take it out to actually use it from time to time, you're all, like, 'whoa where did that come from?!' so i'm pretty psyched about that.

goodnight, bitches.


reg said...

be careful you don't develop the 'hidden penis' syndrome. that's when it compacts itself too much when not in use and has to be surgically prodded back out. i saw it on DR. 90210-- great show.

R said...

yea, and i would look totally creepy with a vagina.