EARLY MORNING LITERATURE

i haven't engaged the realpolitik lately, but the most ubiquitous source of political discourse in my universe is ratty, somewhat current bumperstickers. i have time to read them as i stew and clench my teeth and white-knuckle the steering wheel and curse the miserable bitch of a mother that brought that frail, frightened, brain-damaged, little mushroom of a man into this world just so he could obtain a driver's license, grow up awkwardly, work a miserable job to afford that oh-so-special car that he's always wanted and basically park it in the left lane, making no effort to even inch that goddamn jumble of steel into the space between the concrete islands in the road (wider than the mighty euphrates, i might add). god forbid he'd think to alert me to his left turn... if only that particular car manufacturer would invent some manner of signaling device... hmmmm....

that's not even the point of the story. the point is i was tired and cranky and hot... and some awful, awful woman drove with me neck and neck the whole way with celine dion blaring out the windows of her jetta. (celine dion! i didn't know these people even existed!). on the other hand, my physician suggested i ignore these people and their terrible burden on society and learn to let go, so when one of my desperate flock sat stranded in the left lane with her right turn-signal blinking away while one by one us nasty commuters failed to let her into the right lane, i waved her in.

she did not give me the thank-you wave. i considered leaving my vehicle to kill her.

what kind of person would forego the thank-you wave, thought i, but luckily her entire political agenda was plastered on the back of her car to fill in any gaps in the profile i had constructed for her in my mind. amidst the aging 'bush-cheney '04' sticker and the clever 'first iraq, then france' sticker spread a myriad of 'conservative' jingoism, as if she were trying to prove a point: nope! not an original thought in my head, but i dooooo think gays are icky! thanks for asking! more iced tea?

good for her, i thought. there's a woman who's not afraid to use magnetic poetry to express an opinion.

at least it was something to read while i sat in traffic.

one that i remember distinctly read: LIBERALISM: the terrible sinking feeling that somewhere.... people can take care of themselves. odd... so was the issue one of conservatives allowing people to run their own lives without intervention or an excessive burden of arbitrarily enforced rules? i was confused. thankfully it was positioned directly above a picture of george washington, thomas jefferson and john adams with the words, right-wing extremists written underneath in red, white, and blue.

i felt my hands tighten around the tire-iron. it took a surprisingly large portion of my strength to not step out of the car please, sir, tap-tap-tap the iron on her hollow forehead and ask, "wouldn't you find anti-imperialist sentiment in colonial america (tap, tap, tap), especially anti-establishment armament and outright conflict against the crown, a little left-wing, eh? (tap, tap, tap), wouldn'tcha? (tap, tap, tap)..."

but i wouldn't want to destroy the fragile little bubble protecting her car from intelligent thought.

it helped filter out the celine dion.