i'm not one to foster ill relationships with the elderly, but today i was pushed just a little too far.

...Renteria just doubled to score Damon and Graffaninio... the sun rises in the East...

first off, one could argue that these past few days have been a little difficult for me, and i'm in no mood to fuck around, but the gauntlet landed squarely at my feet while i was minding my sweet nevermind in a small library on campus.

...Papi singles to drive Renteria in for his 143rd RBI, and NY is down by 4 in the 3rd... birds sing in the morning light...

I may have spoken 10 words to a woman in one of my classes, desperately trying to sort through my disastrous conflagration of a devolving class schedule, when i'm approached by an eerily-fast moving old woman who catches me off guard. "if you're going to talk, you're going to have to find somewhere else to do it. these people can't work if you're going to talk so loudly."

funny, i thought. i've been here the longest, and i've watched these two people sitting next to me, the ONLY other people in the place, check their email for exactly 10 seconds apiece. i'm certain the three of us could sort this out.

but, my Midwest sensibility kept me from tearing into this poor, old woman. "i'm very sorry," i whispered, "sometimes my voice carries an-"

"there are places outside where you can talk," she interrupted.
"yes, i know i'm sorry. i'll go th-." she cut me off again. i was beginning to lose my temper.
"we have those places here, you know."

i felt like it was a good time to leave; i had no patience for police interviews, and i was in no mood to have a confession beaten out of me. i stood up politely and sunk into a deeply hidden kiosk in the middle of the library. about 10 minutes later, while silently reading my book, minding my sweet nevermind, i spy this same woman down a long aisle of periodicals. "they're in the store room, rita!" she yells to the other side of the library, 50 feet away.

my toes curled with pleasure. ho ho!

then she saw me and froze, like, deer-in-headlights froze. i raised one taught finger to my lips, leaned forward, and let a looooong, slooow "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" pour from my mouth like a full pot of scalding hot coffee.

...Damon singles to score Mueller... angels shower good cheer on the people of earth...

though it was dark, i could see the crimson rise in her bubblegum face. after she had cleared out, i rose triumphantly and strode out of the library. the king of that particular motherfucking castle.

i know it's bad karma, but sometimes even and old woman needs a swift kick in the ass.

...Renteria is 3 for 3... be still my beating heart... i'll be damned if it still doesn't pump that dirty water...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

amazing. truly amazing.