ONLY TOOK TWO DAYS BEFORE THE FINGERNAILS MET WITH THEIR UNTIMELY DEMISE

i was feeling a bit overwhelmed and unhappy today so, as a natural instinct, i drove myself to whole foods for some comfort food. unfortunately, as i was about to discover, shopping at a strange whole foods is a lot like being cared for by a new babysitter: you never know what to expect when you turn a corner, the menu for dinner is subject to change at any minute, and you're left feeling confused and dehydrated when you awake the next morning.

on second thought, that analogy might only apply to my unique childhood experience but, nevertheless, i think you get the point.

well-tested and proven grocery stores promote a healthy, aggressive shopping agenda, because one always arrives with a plan, and the familiarity of one's surroundings provides the home-field-advantage required for swift success. shopping at an unfamiliar grocery store, however, is a lot like jerking off with your left hand; it takes waaaaay too long, and you're left feeling like maybe you should have just gotten take-out.

once again, my unique childhood experience may be spoiling my objectivity...

but i digress.

i came home, ate goat cheese and pretzels, cooked sweet and sour lemongrass soup with jumbo prawns, drank sam adams, and watched the daily show. it was as close to home as i could rig it. tomorrow morning i get to meet a bunch of kids that share my grand delusion that more education will somehow make me a better person.

i've considered showing up high.