Ok, so no shit, I'm standing by my pickup outside some cheap-ass liquor store waiting for my pappy to emerge with two handles of local rum in tow. I cast my gaze upon some rusted-out, POS, Russian-issue military jeep with the saltiest old man I have ever seen behind the wheel. He wears a sweat-stained captain's cap and a dingy linen shirt missing the top 5 or 6 buttons. He is actually smoking a corncob pipe and actually wearing an eye patch. He grumbles something (through jowls so blackened and bewhiskered I couldn't possibly understand a word) to an invisible passenger in the seat to his Right, then emphasizes his words with an sharp "No!" and repeats this three times. He raises his hand and swats (with authority, the bastard) whatever animal lurks below my view.
Thinking it was actually a dog or cat or something normal, I was surprised to hear a wholly unnatural screech come out of whatever felt the unjust hand of Mr. Pirate.
Then a monkey jumped out of the car.
This is what happened to me on Christmas Day, 2006. A fucking monkey.
12.26.2006
I AM SURROUNDED BY PIRATES
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4 comments:
And what, pray tell, is so wrong with monkeys? They're cute, they're cuddly, they're working on the whole opposable thumb thing, and some of them, well, some of them are working on the glittering and majestic usurption of certain balls of hydrogen. So they can't be all bad...
merry christmas, friend!
this is not so unusual, young men happen-chancing upon an older and wiser bodily form of themself, a true reflection. now that you have met him (and how lucky you are, for most just glance over these time-spanning soul brothers of ours!), it is up to you to begin working towards the goal... immediately. move those 3 boxes of yours into storage, bust out that linen shirt, don't bother looking for a clean hat, you'll find that in paradise. buy a monkey, no -- FIND a monkey, that way it will truly be loyal. this is the creature with which you will bicker for years to come, so don't start spanking him now (very hard). it's time for loving. it's that season. you will be teaching biology in the tropics any day. how's your liver doing, by the way?
What are you doing blogging in paradise?? That seems wrong, even if you did see a pirate and a monkey. I keep imaginig the pirate from the beginning of spongebob square pants...."He lives in a pineapple under the sea...." Did I mention that I'm on vicatin? It's wonderful. ANyhoo, I'll be in SF January 6 thru 10. Who-hoo, I've missed buying you things and then going for a ride in the Tracker....
I just couldn't let you all suffer in silence while I languished in paradise. Unfortunately, 15 minutes of internet cost me 5 Guilder (~ EUR 2.2689), so my posts were short and unsophisticated. Not like normal.
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