DEATH KNELL FOR THE REPUBLICAN MIDDLE CLASS

2004 was the year of same-sex marriage in my mind. The majority of exit polls following the '04 presidential election cited gay marriage as the top-dollar issue, despite the myriad of other, let's say "reality based," campaign issues. Needless to say, I was not thrilled (Re: "you have no health care because gays make you feel icky. dumbass.").

I was, however, impressed by the conservatives' leverage of a socially hot topic to win a slim majority of votes in an extremely tight election. Those sneaky bastards really know their shit.

These days, it's much less common to hear stories about gay marriage thanks to the unending stream of bad news erupting from the middle east (though, horrifyingly, the Iraq 'diversion' has allowed a sinister seeping-in of 'conservative' social reform while our backs have been turned. Sometimes I feel like us righteous don't have enough fingers for all the dikes in this country. Awful, awful pun not intended). These days illegal immigration seems to be the rallying cry for the conservative middle class, which I, for reasons outlined below, believe should cause the final and spectacular self-destruction of the conservative middle class as it exists now. God knows what evil glue will hold it together in the future (I don't suspect "principled integrity," but "down with Canada!" may be rising over the dim horizon). I can't even begin to predict what dumb shit will fall from the sky next week.

Illegal immigration (specifically un-documented labor), for better or worse, is the foundation of our economy. Businesses throughout the country, from the very small to the very large, depend on un-documented laborers to reduce insurance costs, heath and benefits payouts, social security, payroll, safety provisions, and a continuing list of items the AFL-CIO, etc. were nice enough to provide for documented workers. This is, of course, the reason why pears don't cost you 12 dollars apiece. Big business needs this contingency built into our labor system; a company that refuses to hire illegal immigrants will quickly fall to one that does. Capitalism is a bitch like that.

But let's not pretend, even for that one sweet second, Republican policy makers aren't ruled by business interests. Their success is inexorably tied to a system heavily subsidized--on the scale of billions of dollars--by illegal immigrants. Surely the Republican upper crust is pro-illegal immigration; if they weren't they'd be insanely stupid. So what of the middle and lower class conservatives' new and fierce hatred for the illegal immigrant?

The harder these nouveaux nationalistes cry for stronger borders, the more eroded their relationship with the conservative elite. Yet the strength of the Republican party is fed by the so-called patriotism of it's middle class soldiers; just ask yourself why 'liberals hate America' works so well as a slogan.

Let's just say, for conversation's sake, that immigration reformists get their way and all of a sudden we wake up and all un-documented workers have disappeared from the picture a la Back to the Future. Hey, so many more jobs for Americans, right? Oh Jesus, how naive! Ignoring the undesirability of many of these jobs for a moment, why don't we think about some simple economic principles first, shall we?

Unemployment in the US is (at least superficially) low. When workers are scarce, wages rise. (duh) Add to that the increased cost of benefits, etc. for the new workforce, and you get a sharp rise in market prices (duh), until job outsourcing to other countries stabilizes the job surplus (duh). Moving low- or entry-level jobs to foreign markets moves mid-level jobs as well. Sooner or later the Republican mainstream will eat itself unless it gives up its 1) delusion of upward mobility into the super-rich echelon, or its 2) delusion of isolationism. Cough, *NAFTA* cough.

Duh.

I have a great deal of sympathy for illegal immigrants. They make shit, and they get treated like shit, and they don't get to complain to anyone about it. Still, I think kicking them out of the country might be a little counterproductive, don't you?

God bless you if you actually read this entire post. And God Bless America!