THE MEDIA

i like to set my alarm to talk radio so i don't fixate on the first thing that wakes me up in the morning (e.g. the Limbo song... nothing beats the torture of having that stupid stupid melody stuck in your head all day long. ugh). normally there's no problem. today i was slightly hungover and didn't want to walk across the room to hit the snooze bar, so i finally got a taste of what wakes me up in the morning. oddly, it's a conservative talk radio show [note: contact with all things ultra-right-wing makes my skin sizzle]. today's topic? Canada. yes, my dear friends, the children of limbaugh have turned their idle judgement towards the sleepy nation to the north... and they are displeased. with canada. they don't like canada. that's not a joke, either, they really don't like canada. can anyone tell me when canada seriously fucked with us (please watch that war of 1812 shit, that was the british)? canada. oooooooooo! the canadians! are you fucking kidding me? i can't tell you how many times i heard 'if it wasn't for us there wouldn't be a canada!' first of all, you're an idiot. second of all, we're not talking about the goddamn west bank, this is canada. no 'evil' world power has ever tried to invade canada. oh, what about the russians you say? first of all, you're an idiot. second of all joe mccarthy was an idiot [wisconsinite, yes, but idiot nonetheless], and now he's dead, but he's still an idiot. but i digress. so what did this radio dj have to say about canada? the're a bunch of liberal, socialist, pantywaists (did i spell that right? egad, i've never tried to be an ignorant bigot before!), because in their 'socialist' nation (ha!), the healthcare is so bad, even the canadians cross the border to america (p.s. it's the united states of america, you ethnocentrists)!! that must make canada really bad, eh? eh, hoser? ahem... hi, my name is Ryan and i'm a longime listener of your show.... love your show man... anyway, i just wanted to point out that americans spend about 1 billion dollars on canadian drugs each year, so you should probably watch your back in case some liberal, latte-drinkin', book-readin', subaru-drivin', pot-smokin', pinko-commie, bleeding-heart busts you on it.... love your show, man, love your show... yea, i hate gays... mexicans too. of course, canada can only entertain you for so long, eventually you have to switch over to france, another benign socially-functional country that makes an easy target. lo and behold, some brilliant caller managed to drool out, 'i mean, like, what has france ever given us?!' he whined, as if the mob would somehow realize they had forgotten what they had gathered for... i thought to myself, (smugly) oh... i dunno... how about.... um.... the fucking DEMOCRACY you see so fit to cram down the throats of everybody in the goddamn world, you moron. It seems there are more than a few people in this nation that really don't like to think things through before vomiting their ill-conceived thoughts on the radio... feel free to visit this website for a more eloquent perspective. Also, he called Prince a "fairy," and that just ain't right. no sir, not at all. nobody, and i mean nobody fucks with Prince.