1.29.2007

I AM A MODERN SAVAGE

I harbor a smoldering volcano of wild, atavistic energy in my guts with no legally available, sterilized, pre-approved, sanctioned outlet for my savage creativity. I am constantly aware and proud of this fact. For example, I just walked past the Apple Store and stifled the urge to scream through the aseptic frosted French doors, "ENOUGH FUCKING iPODS!" and wave my penis around in circles like a flesh helicopter. I'm relatively certain at least someone besides me would appreciate this.

I want to flash my ass (and some balls) at the uber-wealthy as they smile and munch delicious, overpriced food. I want barely-legal college girls to take my picture when I ride commemorative statues like a drunken cowboy. I want to bleed righteous blood from roadrash wounds incurred while doing Burts down 101. I want to freak people out at parties that are boring. ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK. I want to lure women to my bed and fry bacon in the nude when I'm done with them. I want to hurl shit off stuff. I want to lick strangers and tell them they taste like strange meats. I want to start fires, chase cars, steal license plates, build a kick-ass fort, spank someone hard, kill and eat something, pee on stuff I don't like, screw an entire sorority, devour raw things, fight someone, howl, kick, (fuckfuckfuck!), bite, scratch, gnaw, snarl, and burn, baby.

I've never been on TV, and I'm bored! Straight up bored. Bored! And I'm nice to people for a living (fucking hippie!), and I'm good at it. Sooo good! And I like it! But right now, I'm a savage. And I live on your block. And I steal medicine from your bathroom at your parties. Muahahaha!

(The above was written while casually sipping an Oolong Latte at a quiet Japanese tea shop. It was undertaken with the intention of looking busy while surreptitiously staring at breasts. Now I'll continue with real work-work having completed this brief stream of unconsciousness.)

No comments: