1.13.2005

RECKLESS

reckless, your comments on my last post are both disturbing and magnificently appropriate.... owing to the fact that your thoughts perfectly echo my own. yes, i'd probably do brad pitt (because just THINK of your bragging rights!), but i'll point out that brad should voluntarily and publicly kill himself for the irreparable damage he's caused for appearing in 'legends of the fall,' 'thelma and louise,' 'the devil's own,' 'seven years in tibet,' 'meet joe black,' 'sinbad,' and 'troy;' then instantly exonerated for appearing in 'cool world,' 'johnny suede,' 'a river runs through it,' 'true romance,' 'fight club,' 'snatch,' and 'spy game;' then forced to languish in obscurity for 'twelve monkeys,' 'interview with the vampire,' 'contact,' and for being eye candy in the candy-esq 'oceans eleven' and 'twelve'... pretty much summing up pitt's entire career which, in retrospect, i know alarmingly too well.

ok, that being said, one of you will need to raise one million dollars for my next proposal: i propose that you all pay me a cool million dollars to do ann coulter. yes, this is my reward for fornicating with the devil's own concubine. reckless will owe me the entire Taco Bell franchise.

7 comments:

reg said...

fucking brad pitt might be easier than you think....i'm pretty sure he's gay. and george clooney too. in fact, now that i think about it, the entire cast of ocean's twelve is a bunch of wads...(matt damon, bernie mac, need i say more?). but great film, by the way. although the plot was lacking brad pitt was sizzzzzzzzlin'.

reg said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
neilio said...

I'm sorry, but you want us to PAY you to do Ann Coulter? I might ante up for you NOT to do Ann Coulter. If I paid you money, then I would probably want to watch to make sure I was getting my money's worth, and that would be like eight different varieties of horrible. So no money for you.

Paul said...

Boobies Boobies Boobies!!

R said...

you forget, nelio, that if ann coulter were to be snogged by a human she would most certainly shed that awful, awful 'desperate housewives' fa├žade and reveal the hideous she-beast within… actually, there’s no reason why she wouldn’t emerge as a BEAUTIFUL she-beast. ok, so she emerges as a BEAUTIFUL she-beast, her eyes glow with the bloody moonlight of hellfire, she lets loose with the siren-call of the multitude of damned, unbaptized virgins and every man w/in a thousand nautical miles feels a shrieking passion in his loins as his blood boils with an unbearable lust so intense he falls to the ground, tossing and convulsing in horrendous ecstasy. panic and resolve grip my brimstone-hardened muscles and I spring atop the she-beast and rain blows down on her herbal-essence-smelling fiend-mane, two become one, and as she screams and claws at my kevin-sorbo-esq man-flesh, my uber-passion tames her devil-soul and she diminishes to a (still really hot) mortal woman to hate gays, african-americans, papists, lib-er-als, Chinese food, rational thought, huguenots, bagels, and (more specifically) herself in a damp, mossy cave in west virginia. that, my friend, you would pay to see.

neilio said...

Touche, salesman.

R said...

it's all about eye contact. the glen gary leads are for closers.