APPARENTLY YOU GET LAID MORE IF YOU HAVE A DOG

sunday was a glorious day for hangover recovery; reg and i went out for breakfast and coffee in the morning, and damned if i didn't get a bit of a suntan that morning. my body had finished metabolizing the three burritos and gallons of liver-pickling sauce that had so effortlessly gone down the night before, and i was feelin' mighty fine.

disheveled, unshaven, cigarette-reeking, unclean, and obviously wearing the bar clothes from the night before, the boys and i walk like barrio desperados behind our sweet-smelling and sparkling birthday girl (and her dog) to the park for a little canine social hour with the other dogs from the neighborhood (and their owners, of course). on our arrival, we meet up with three friendly strangers doing the same, one of which is a very attractive young woman who has what reckless will later describe as having "tremendous, tremendous breasts.... just fantastic."

many pet owners will tell stories about their dogs/cats/fish/cows that are interesting to no one, including other devout pet owners, but this day threatened to change all that. allow me to try and recreate the story as it was told by Ms. tremendousnoobs:

"so and so has a girl dog, but she only hangs out with boy dogs, so when she pees, she thinks she should pee like a boy dog and puts both her legs up behind her..."

an unremarkable story, until it ended with:

"...like this"

i have seen some amazing things in my lifetime, i really have. mostly i try not to reason the magic out those moments with a 'why' or a 'how' or a 'i didn't know you could be on all fours and spread-eagle at the same time'... but i will say this:

i need to get me a dog.