UBERPISSED

i haven't missed a day of work/school because of illness in over 10 years, yet here i am flat on my back on a weekday, pissed off to motherfucking hell with a thousand knives of fire stabbing me in my worthless, twisted spine. i took a shower about 45 minutes ago and prayed for a quick death the whole time... my back muscles, in an attempt to contain one treacherous, deceitful disk, have seized up like a siberian railroad, rendering me utterly useless...

now i'm not saying i want you people to shower me with more narcotics than one might normally find at a colombian bar mitzvah... because that would be against the law... but i'm not, not saying i want you people to shower me with more narcotics than one might normally find at a colombian bar mitzvah. in fact, i'll give you a hundred bucks to come over to my house and bash my brains in with all 35" of Louisville maple... you can even have my stereo.

if you are coming over to brain me, please be advised that my current situation prevents me from bending my craptastic spine in any way, so i am stark raving naked....

incidentally, if you're 1/3 of a hot set of young triplets, please phone your sisters and come to my house...

goddamnit i'm so pissed off right now...