i will now define irony as it pertains to my current situation

1. i'm alone in my apartment. i can't leave, and i'm planning on staying in bed all day. it's painful to put clothes on. i don't have a girlfriend, but i do have a high-speed internet connection. i'm bored.

2. acute trauma to the lower spinal column inhibits sustained sympathetic stimulation of the lower appendages. muscle relaxants and other like-prescribed pain killers can deter the large rush of blood to certain areas in order to prevent excessive swelling.

i, dear friends, have discovered hell.


A said...

wow you're right. totally not gross.

Peter said...

i, uh, have this friend that has found that supplementation with flax seed oil, zinc, and b-vitamins so dramatically increases the male sex drive that men taking said supplements become like animals, scouring social scenes with their eyes for prey and strutting their hot shit around for the looking. perhaps this would help your situation, maybe not, but it's worth a try once you get better and get sick of not having your 'bone smooched,' to quote jack from sideways.