I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS....

midwesterners are friendly. we like you. we don't know you, but we like you.
if you run into one of us and we've never met, we'll talk to you... for quite awhile. someday down the road, should we pass each other again, we'll remember that conversation oh so long ago. contrast that with boston where, if i happen to bump into you walking down the street, i'll go find my car, pay 30 bucks to leave the parking lot, find you again so i may honk at you and give you the finger (however, should you be wearing red sox gear, i'll allow you the courtesy of yelling, "go sox!" as i drive away).

i'm at the bar in chicago about to pick up the first round of drinks, getting requests from people i had just met, and playing the "i wonder what you're like in bed based on what you order from the bar*" game. a woman i had not yet met orders a shot of tequila on ice. i give her the 'quoi?' look, and notice an intricate tattoo on her wrist. sensing my A-game a'warmin' up, i compliment her on her artwork... to my surprise she stops, looks down at her bits and pieces, and gives me a look like she somehow just woke up and realized the two of us had been having sex. (i'm quite familiar with this look... less panic, more wonder- how on earth did i find myself in this situation?).

my wolfish ears perked up...

in short, i nearly ended up pants-less with a half-naked woman i had known for less than 90 seconds with reckless betting on whose tattoo was bigger. However, a close analysis of the night would reveal she was in need of a little conditioner; a fact that spared me junk exposure at that time (though as anyone close to me will attest, i have never been afraid of junk exposure).

alas, i will always be left with the lingering question as to whether or not that tattoo goes all the way to her vagina... a question that will no doubt haunt me to the end of my days.

*play this game! it's wicked awesome fun!